Erik loved him just enough to use him
by eponay
Summary: After cuba, in the hospital Charles has a choice.


**Erik loved him just enough to use him**

Part of him had always known that it would happen this way. Erik had not lied. He had done exactly what he had said he would do. Charles pushed himself to the hospital window. There was nothing to see except the red lights of cars dotted amongst the small soft yellow lights of the city. In distance he could hear the wail of an ambulance. Charles tried to open the window, he needed the fresh air, but as he tried to lift he frame, his back began to throb with a spiraling pain, that shut out the view and made him dizzy. He stopped, closed his eyes and gathered his defenses against the sharpness. Inside himself he burnt, with the knowledge that this was his own fault, because he had allowed himself to be used in this way. A means to an end.

He'd said yes.

He let this happen.

And now he was half dead for it.

He'd broken himself, for the 'thing' he loved. For a thing without feeling Erik must be, to leave him so wrecked and bleeding on the shore. To pull a bullet from his back and walk away.

So clear and so cold, but warm all at once: Be my brother, follow me. Follow me into death and destruction. War and hate.

_No my friend. _ He'd finally said it but it was all a little too late.

And Raven made her choice. And all that they had worked for, all of his hopes, dashed in a twisting leap.

He wheeled himself away from the black night, back to his bed, bracing himself for the difficult transfer to his bed. With a groan he failed and found himself pitched sideways between his bed and the chair. The stubborn part of him knew he was going to fall, gravity a force beyond his power.

The professor's face went red, his were arms shaking, the traitorous steel chair sliding out behind him inch by inch. One eye darted to the white flecked linoleum floor. His heart raced against his chest. Falling would hurt. Xavier's finger tips inevitability lost their purchase on the bed. The perfect white hospital sheet twisted in his grip and slipped from the bed.

Charles cried out as he fell.

But the sound gurgled and half died in his throat. For he stopped. Frozen in mid-air, suspended by his brace, his legs drooping in an ungainly fashion towards the ground.

Gasping for breath Charles looked up. Night air brushed against his skin.

Framed in the glare of the fluorescence hospital light. Stood Magneto, helmet and cape- gently ruffled by the wind. "Hello old friend."

"No!"- a sound guttural and desperate from Charles' throat. "No!" he repeated with more force. Erik's head titled to the side, a frown on his lips, he stepped back from Charles and he fell. Xavier hit the floor, as the chair finally skidded away.

Tears weld up in his eyes and for a few moments he lay there, reminding himself how to breathe. Erik was gone. He was alone. More alone than he had ever been.

And he had a choice. Lie there on the floor, or get back up.

X

Later that night.

"You have a low fever." Doctor Gray commented as she took his temperature, and gave him some pills to swallow. Before she leaves she helps him with his pillows, her fingers brush lightly across his brow moving some hair from his eyes, "How are you feeling?"

Hallucinating apparently, but "fine," was the polite banality he gave the doctor.

Giving him a very knowing look she took a needle out her pocket and injected it into his cannula. "This won't always hurt so much." She didn't mean his back, Charles stared, he could sense something behind her words, but his thoughts were muddled and before Xavier could reach out with his power, Doctor Gray had signed his chart and ghosted out of the room.

The clock on the wall ticked softly toward midnight.

Xavier turned his head slowly, to look at the window again. His eyes are glazed a little. He blinks slowly, realizing that the window is too small, Erik could never have fit through. Erik had never even been here. And he wondered at himself, how could he be so angry with Erik? but still long for him in his darkest moments...


End file.
